okay so another insecurity is that there is this part of me that feel like i need to change to be with you. because the real me isn't fun enough. i mean i'm actually a fucking boring person. i've never really experienced anything, and i can't do anything. i swear to god that i won't cut myself again. well at least not today. or tomorrow, i need to let them heal. i think that you don't like me being straightedge, and that scares me,  i can't really drink like i want to. my blood sugar is effected by it. smoking ruins my lungs. but i miss it so much, though.

i don't know, just don't think of me differently, or get angry. it's not that big of a deal.