okay so another insecurity is that there is this part of me that feel like i need to change to be with you. because the real me isn't fun enough. i mean i'm actually a fucking boring person. i've never really experienced anything, and i can't do anything. i swear to god that i won't cut myself again. well at least not today. or tomorrow, i need to let them heal. i think that you don't like me being straightedge, and that scares me,  i can't really drink like i want to. my blood sugar is effected by it. smoking ruins my lungs. but i miss it so much, though.

i don't know, just don't think of me differently, or get angry. it's not that big of a deal.

okay i know, she is. but also she's not ours... she's not a piece of meat. so back the fuck off.
please, she's been through a lot. and she deserves more than an awkward one night stand, with a hot body.

what if i'm not good.

what if it ends abruptly.

i would be devastated. 

but i still have time.

i used to love you so much, tell everyone that we were such good friends. but that all changed. and i wish that it hadn't. i wish that when i said that i forgave people, it was true. but you... i still do love you, i mean like a bro, but i can't look at you the same. i'm not blaming you, there are some insecurities still left. some lingering thoughts of self harm.


i do feel better now.
well... at least a little.

i want to rip off all your clothes, throw you onto the bed, and show you that i can.
i want to make you go weak in the knees, and collapse, me on top of you.
i want to send chills down your spine, while you feel my hands going down yours.

well, i guess a kiss could work too...

i'm not going to lie, i get scared that i'll do something, and everything will change.
that i'll become your Josh Horning.

GOD DAMN, just stop it!

i hate it when you do that.

happy anniversary of not dating, it's been wonderful.
that was kind of sarcasm. i'm fucking tired of not dating.

he wants sex, she says no. 

he says i love you. she warms up to the idea.

he says forever. she thinks. 

     (he cheated)

he wants sex, she says no. 

he says i love you. she warms up to the idea.

he says forever. she thinks. 

he goes on a date with her, buys her flowers. she says i love you more. 

he tells her his "secrets". she opens up, really opens up.

he tells her she's the one. she says maybe.

he says she is his everything. she says yes.
                    (he moved)

i want sex, but i'm not going to ask. i'll just hold you. and mean what i say. and hope the love lasts. 

i was always there for you, but
where the fuck are you?

i'm starting this other one, because i have a lot to say.