and as for the shrugging and i don't knows, i couldn't get words to come out of my mouth. i just had to get out of there it was like my head was being held underwater. i felt like my lungs were going to pop. it was bad.

i guess it seems like i hate this Jesus character, but in all honestly, i don't.
i hate people who think that they are like him.
i hate people who unjustly judge people, based on their sins, (or what they think are sins).
in all reality nowhere in The Bible does it say that suicide is a sin. and next time a daffodil princess has an unfortunate, and tragic end, don't go carrying on about how shameful it is. because the only thing that is shameful, is how insensitive you are towards this girl, and her family.

and you claim to be of love, but are to uppity to spend time with, (and love) people that Jesus himself would have. i'm sorry but one day i'll quit the church. and i want you to know, that it's all on you. as the body of Christ.

it kills me to say those words. literally it eats me up inside. it rips apart my chest, it makes me hate myself. it drops me to my knees.

i can't handle it... i just need something. but i don't know what.

i was nervous to see you last night. i was afraid that something would be... not okay.  that things would be... different. i was afraid that you would feel differently, that i would too.  i don't know how to feel. please don't take that the wrong way. please don't.

what the hell?!

she is a person, just because she's had more sex partners than you, (which doesn't take much) doesn't make her a whore. she is a wonderful person. and that word makes me sick. whore, it's disgusting, you throw that word around like it's a toy. it a word that cuts deep, deeper than any knife could. she is a lovely person. 

you are judgmental, and i don't like you very much.

i know that you would never hate me, but sometimes i still hate myself.

remember when i would send you the pictures?

i remember the reasons- i was so dumb. i remember the deepest cuts, the worst cries. sometimes i still hate myself. i'm not going to do anything. 

i remember... and i don't want to, i don't even want to talk about it at the moment. please-

just don't ask me. not now.

my thought is that i would love for it to be more than an emotional high. but it's not, it's just amped up emotions, it's not real. and maybe i'm just lying to everyone. i'll figure it out one day, but until then, i'll keep being a good person for the sake of being a good person.